My 29th Birthday Reflection

This Sunday, I turn 29. A year ago, the sun was setting on 27 and I was compulsively asking everyone I knew for advice on turning 28. Ten years ago I was ending my first year of college, which I survived on a slim margin. I’ll save the full-blown decade reflection for next year - but let me say this - every year continues to surprise me, and every year I look back in absolute awe at how much I’ve grown. This year especially.

I carried the advice I collected last year like treasures. It feels like just yesterday I was ending the summer by sitting down for lunch with mentors and friends and even near-strangers, asking them what they’d been up to when they were 28, what they wish they’d known, and for wisdom as I ascended into year 28.

I loved these conversations, and I got some great advice:

Don’t rush this season.

Say yes to the things you’re invited to.

Get your finances in order.

Have fun with dating.

Enjoy the alone time.

It was a beautiful exercise. I learned so much about the people in my life who I'd only come to know in the past few years, and it deeply enriched some of the relationships that have been around for a lot longer.

As I reflect on 28 - I hate to say it - but it flew by. I know it sounds trite and unoriginal, but it’s true. It’s like I’ve blinked and I’m another whole year older. This feels alarming, not because time slipped by without my knowing - I actually felt very present for all of it - but because it was such a stark contrast to the pace of 27, which I remember feeling impossibly long, slow, and lonely.

This year has been almost a complete 180 in that regard. My apartment has been a revolving door for guests - and more nights than not, I’ve had someone dear to me crashing on my couch. My patio has overflowed with wine, weed, and conversations with friends running late into the night. There’s still been plenty of alone time this year - and despite pleas from TikTok influencers to rebrand it to “solitude,” loneliness still comes for me on occasion. But it’s getting easier to relish in my own company. I can say for the first time in a long time - maybe ever - that I genuinely love the person I’ve become (and I can’t wait to meet the person I’m becoming).

I attribute the fast pace of the year to doubling down on my creativity. As I committed to writing regularly, new life has formed around the concept of brightsiding - both as a creative project and a life practice. I’ve hit some big milestones - going back to my high school to give a talk, revamping my brightsiding workshop, hosting it many times at Google and even at TikTok recently. I've stretched myself in my career and I’ve begun to think in earnest about where I want to be in 5 years (fuck a 5-year-plan - but, I think having a general vision about how you want life to feel later on is a good practice).

The music I’ve gravitated towards this year has taken a turn from sad indie to things that feel more hopeful and upbeat. Seeing Maggie Rogers live this summer changed my brain chemistry and the songs that are populating my playlists are more conducive to dancing around in my kitchen than crying in the bath (although when I need to do that, Gregory Alan Isakov always seems to do the trick).

My wardrobe has grown up a little too. I still love and reach for my hot pink overalls often - but in a complete shock to myself, I’ve come to appreciate neutrals, clean lines, and more thoughtful pops of color. I remember at one point boldly declaring a “ban on neutrals”, which I’m walking back as I learn the power of a subtle, sophisticated silhouette. I’ve learned how a good vintage designer piece can absolutely elevate your entire aura, thanks to a very 90s-romcom-makeover moment that I had in Amarcord a few months ago. I must have been in there for an hour, playing dress up in Mugler, Versace, Tom Ford-era Gucci, and so on. It was one of the first times I consciously saw myself as an adult woman, not as a twenty-something teenage girl. I’m excited to see my wardrobe continue to evolve this year.

If fashion was a high, Nourishment (food-wise) was a “low”. Living alone, working full time & also building The Brightside again (and not to mention keeping up with my social life) left little time for cooking in earnest, but when I did, I was proud. This winter I learned how to make chicken broth from scratch - but in general, I was so on the go that Uber Eats, McDonalds and smoothies from Hawa were a huge part of my diet - and sometimes, honestly, feeding myself well felt like such an insurmountable chore. As I head into 29, I hope to become more intentional and caring about how I feed my body.

There are more highs and lows than I can possibly summarize, but if I had to distill one overarching lesson from the year, it’s fuck perfect.

Imperfect action is better than no action, and nothing I do will ever be perfect. I’m so proud of the ways I’ve continued to put myself out there this year - shooting my shot in all sorts of contexts. There have been many false starts - lots of flash-in-the-pan glimmers that have gotten my hopes up only to get my heart crushed - but I know it’s all a part of my journey. Even in my darkest moments these days, I still deeply believe that the best is yet to come, and it doesn’t stop me from spreading magic whenever I can. I can’t know what’s in store, but I can show up to the things that bring me alive and give them my all. That’s how I’ve been operating this year and how I plan to continue on as I roll into 29.

I know that turning 29 will bring the inevitable “how are you feeling about the last year of your 20s?” so let me nip that in the bud now. I feel awesome about it. My 20s have been so full and gorgeous and chaotic and everything in between, and I have nothing but gratitude for this chapter of my life. I plan to soak up this last year of the decade with the wisdom I’ve gained and the childlike wonder that’s gotten me this far. I’m stoked to transition into 30 in a year, and I’m positive that I’m going to be really proud of all the growing that happens between now and then.

Growing up is hard, and it’s a choice. There are still many moments where I want to sit back like an insolent child with my arms crossed and scream, “why!” In fact, I remember crying on my birthday last year, wondering if things would always feel so difficult. I’d like to reach back and say to that version of me: the answer is yes and no. Life is difficult by design, and in your 20s I think that if things feel tough, you’re doing something right. But with the challenge comes a choice to respond with grace, or a choice to respond with resistance - and what I’ve learned is that greeting the challenging times with as much fluidity and openness to learn as you can makes the lessons come with breathtaking insight and clarity. It’s not always easy, and sometimes I do a terrible job with the grace. But I’m working on it.

If you have any advice for me this year, I’m all ears. I love you, and I can’t thank you enough for being here, watching me grow up.

XO

PS, my mantra for this year? Go strike lightning.