The Power of Sincerity with Tyler McCall

You GUYS!!! 

I am absolutely freaking out … because this week I had the pleasure of interviewing one of Instagram’s biggest It-Girls, bonafide Gossip Girl aficionado, and all-around-icon, Tyler McCall. 

I discovered Tyler’s Instagram account in the darkest depths of 2020 when she was posting meticulously researched Gossip Girl outfit breakdowns, and I’ve been a fan ever since. While Tyler has sunset the series that initially drew me in, I’ve loved following along with her career shifts over the years - her voice was hugely influential to me in the early days of building Brightsiding.

After a decade-long career in fashion writing (most recently serving as Editor in Chief at Fashionista), Tyler made the shift to freelance in 2022, following a gut instinct to expand her range. Since then, Tyler has profiled major celebrities like Anne Hathaway and Nicole Kidman - and written an original audio erotica series for the app Quinn, narrated by none other than the Hot Priest himself, Andrew Scott. 

Tyler and I sat down this week to talk about unapologetic self-expression, the joyful surprises that come when curiosity is at the helm of your career, and how she practices Brightsiding in her own life. 

Below is a shortened + condensed version of our conversation. Listen here for the full thing, including the pair of shoes Tyler would save if her apartment were on fire, and a behind the scene’s peek into her creative process.

This interview was a serious “pinch-me” moment. Tyler, thank you so much for being so generous with your time. 

Tyler McCall, on being sincere, embracing cringe, and letting your path surprise you

Erica: When I first found your page, I fell in love with your writing style and meticulous Gossip Girl outfit breakdowns. I found your page as I was just starting out with The Brightside, and I think subconsciously, I was gravitating towards other creators who were really rooted in their authentic voice. I want to start today by talking about self-expression and personal style. You have such a strong voice and an amazing sense of humor; I'd love to know if that's something that's always come naturally to you or if it took you a while to discover and hone.

Tyler: Yeah, it's so interesting because ... I think it probably always came naturally to me. I just don't know that I always let it. Does that make sense? I regularly joke with friends that I wish I could be more mysterious. Like I wish that I had sort of more of an aloof or mysterious quality to me and I just don't. I will tell you anything within five minutes of meeting you. No mystery. I just am immediately like, hey, what's up? This is my deal. 

I think that that was harder when I was younger in like high school and stuff like that because [people are less accepting at that age, but] I think as I got older, I realized that [being self-expressed] attracted the kind of people that I wanted in my life. That was a freeing thing to realize. Because now it's like at my grown age, if you don't like what I've got, that's fine. If you don't like what I'm throwing down, there are other people that you can be friends with or I can be friends with, or whatever. And I do think, know, somewhat cynically from a professional standpoint, I think it also helps set me apart to have a distinctive voice as a writer.

It means a lot to me whenever people say stuff like that I'm like that's really nice and I'm glad that you enjoyed it and it wasn't off-putting.

Erica: Oh my God, of course. I feel like I shared those early Waldorf Wednesdays with so many of my friends from high school. And I totally relate to what you're saying about wishing you were more mysterious. There is no mystery about me whatsoever. And I love Instagram. I simply love posting on my stories and sharing like, all of my little thoughts in my head. And something I'm trying to do in my own life is just [own that], it’s really fun for me and it actually brings a lot of connection. I think there's all of this pressure to have like a really specific aesthetic or mystery online, but when you just embrace it and say, “no, this is actually something that brings me a lot of joy,” there's a lot of power there. 

Tyler: Yeah, I agree. And I feel like the amount of times that I've posted about something that I thought, like this is going to be really embarrassing or whatever, like maybe this is too much for people. And then I get DMs from people who are like, I thought this or I enjoyed this. And I'm like, see, you're out there. Just do it on Main. 

Erica: I'm curious what your advice would be for anyone who's… trying to become more self-expressed online. It can be so easy to talk yourself out of a post. I think it's actually easier to talk yourself out of posting than to lean into your authentic voice and just send it. Does that become easier? 

Tyler: Within the past couple years, I’ve embraced the mantra “I am cringe, but I am free.” I post stuff sometimes and I'm like, I know that this is cringe. The thing that I think about often is that I think we're at the point where the internet, like, as a monolith, tends to value ironic detachment from things. Like you can like something, but it needs to be kind of ironic or like self-deprecating or. I'm thinking a lot about the current moment we're at with the presidential election with like, the Kamala Harris coconut tree stuff.

But at this stage in my life, I really value and appreciate sincerity. If you sincerely love something, I want to know about it. I love when you're hanging out with your friends and they start talking about something that they're really excited about and really passionate about. And it's just this unabashed love for this thing. And that's kind of how I think about showing up online. Embracing “this is just who I am, this is the stuff that I like.” If you think it's embarrassing or whatever, that's your business. That's not my business. 

And [posting about what I love] has connected me with people who also like that thing. There's millions of billions of people in the world, you know, like if you don't if you don't like that particular flavor, like that's fine. 

You know, I think a lot of that comes getting older and working for myself, too. I'm home working by myself all day. If I get excited about something and I wanna talk about it, it's my page or my social media account that I go to. Does that make sense? I feel like that was such a rambly answer. 

Erica: No, it makes total sense. And I think someone's genuine appreciation for something is so palpable when they're presenting it online in an authentic way. And I love what you said about sincerity. I think that's something that people get like, hardened out of, especially in New York. And I think just being online in general is actually a pretty vulnerable thing. I'm someone who truly wears my heart on my sleeve, and the writing that I do and what Brightsiding is all about is like, very sugary sweet at times. And that's just who I am. That's how I've always been since I was a kid. But then I find myself playing the comparison game or imagining how what I’m putting out is going to land to the cool kids or whatever - then it can be really easy to talk yourself out of sharing. So I really love how you own your voice and what you're putting out there unabashedly because I think we need more of that.

Tyler: yeah, life's short. I don't know.

Erica: It is, it is short. But let’s talk career for a sec. Your career has evolved a lot [since 2020], and I would love to hear more about that career evolution. Was that super intentional, or did it comce as a result of leaning into your passions?

Tyler: Yeah, both. I had been a fashion editor in some capacity for a decade. My last full-time job was editor-in-chief of Fashionista. I loved that job and I loved the industry, but I'd started to feel a little burnt out. I had been full-time in some capacity my whole career. I was looking around and it sort of seemed like the industry was moving more towards freelancers. Also, I was noticing that the further up the ladder you moved, the more you were managing and editing other people and the less time you had for writing and I really loved writing. 

So in 2022, I decided to just take a chance. I think I planned it over six or nine months of like, really cautiously kind of trying to figure out if it was something that I felt comfortable doing and financially could afford and stuff like that. But ultimately, I decided it was time to try freelancing.

I still loved writing about fashion, but there was other stuff I wanted to write about. So, it was really exciting to get the opportunity to do more pop culture and celebrity reporting. I had creative projects that I wanted to do. I have a romance novel that eventually I swear to God I'm going to finish. 

And it's been really interesting because I don't think that I could have predicted the kind of work that I would be doing now (when I left two years ago). For example, I've written a few original scripts for Quinn, which is an audio erotica app that I really love. 

I joke that I went into journalism because I'm very nosy and I love an excuse to ask people questions. And so not long after leaving my job, I was on TikTok and I got served content for Quinn and they were doing a celebrity voice original series voiced by Thomas Doherty, who was in the Gossip Girl reboot. And I was just super, super curious because I was not aware of this format, this style of storytelling, and also I was like who are these people that got Thomas Doherty to do audio erotica? 

So I ended up writing a story for GQ about men who do audio erotica. It was a really fun story to report. It was not obviously anything that I had done previously. It wasn't fashion related. But it was fun, and I stayed in touch with the founder of the company and the Quinn team.

I really loved the work that they were doing. I loved what they represented. And yeah, so when they reached out last fall, they said, you know, they needed new script writers. Was I interested? And I was like, yeah, I have some ideas. And I just never, when I left my job, would have thought that that would have been a way that I would make money, because I didn't even know (that existed).

So it's been really interesting. It's like a little bit intentional but also a little bit unintentional, guess. 

I think one of the biggest advantages of being freelance - and I mean again, I need to pay my bills so this isn't 100 % true - is having the freedom to pursue projects or stories that I'm just genuinely excited about. That has kind of led me down a different path.

Erica: So, you do a lot of celebrity profiles. The most recent one I read was the Nicole Kidman profile in Elle, which was amazing. Do you get starstruck? Like when you're doing these interviews, like how are you bringing your full self and your voice to what you're writing? And when you're doing the interviews themselves, like are you freaking out? I would be, I'm like, freaking out talking to you, you know?

Tyler: Yeah, are you kidding me? I interviewed Anne Hathaway. With Nicole Kidman, I was like, I'm sitting on a couch with Nicole Kidman. I'm like internally freaking out, and trying to tamp it down a little, but like I still don't have a filter. 

Like, when I was interviewing Anne Hathaway and I actually brought up what we were just talking about with sincerity. I think that she is somebody who was really punished for being open and sincere during her Oscar run. And we're talking about all this stuff, and I'm literally telling Academy Award-winning actress Anne Hathaway what I talk about in therapy. So like, who knows how much chill I have, actually. You know, I'm talking to Nicole Kidman and I'm like explaining to her like… you know, the eldest sister, like eldest daughter stuff. And I think it works for me because [it’s not an interview tactic,] this is just how I am with everybody. 

And I think it would be weird to go into an interview situation with somebody and expect them to be in some way vulnerable or to open up about stuff and to not be that way in return. 

But like, for example, I'm taking acting classes and I told Anne Hathaway about it, and I was like why? Like Anne Hathaway doesn't need to know that I like taking acting classes, you know? So it's a fine line.

Erica: Yeah, allowing that the space for vulnerability and openness. It's something that I have so much respect for, and I love reading profiles that go there. 

Something I'm leaning into with Brightsiding right now is allowing myself to be exactly as I am, however I am, and not pushing the maybe like more messy or chaotic parts away because I feel like I should have things “more figured out,” which is not even like a real thing. 

I would love to hear about how you meet yourself in the less glamorous moments when things are feeling a little bit chaotic. What are some of your processes for slowing down and like embracing whatever it is that you're going through?

Tyler: Yeah, having a therapist. 

No but it's so interesting that you say that because I really strongly felt that way, especially when I was about to turn 30, that like I needed to have all my stuff figured out and to be a “real adult.” And the older I get, the more that I realize that I don't think that ever happens. I think you can be 75 and still not have everything figured out or still be trying new things. And so I try to just embrace that, first of all, that knowledge of like, it's fine if I don't have like a good work structure or whatever.

The other thing is that I have tried not to fight where I am. I think the temptation for so long was that if I felt discouraged, then I needed to fight through that and be like, no, but everything's great, and push back against myself. But that makes things worse for me. Because then I get into the spiral of, well, why can't you just make yourself feel better? Why can't you just?

Now I can accept that if I'm having a shitty day, I'm having a shitty day. And like, that's it. And maybe I do hate everything that I write and that's fine. I don't have to fight myself on that. If I don't have the energy, not to get into like body stuff, but like, we have certain hormonal cycles, and I used to try and fight that, too. But sometimes it's like, no, you know what? I'm drained. It's day one of my period. I have no energy. Maybe I don't go to the gym today and maybe I let myself take a nap this afternoon and maybe that's the kind of day that I need to have. And I know that I'll have a day that's the opposite where I'll wake up and I'll have so much energy and I'll get twice as much done as I thought. And I don't need every day to be that kind of day.

I don't need every day to be the kind of day where I feel amazing about myself [or what I’m working on], because that's not realistic. So just accepting it - not like, wallowing - but sitting in it and saying: this is the reality of my situation. I'm going to do what I need to do to make myself feel better, but I'm not going to push myself to feel differently. Does that make sense?

Erica: My god, it makes total sense. And it breaks my heart about how radical it is, especially as a woman, to listen to your body's cycle and actually take those cues. I'm not good at that myself. I try to power through so many physical states and I'm really learning to trust physical indicators that I need rest. 

But what you're talking about totally resonates. I always think about the scene in the first Harry Potter movie where they're in the devil's snare and the only way out is to relax and to get through it. They just need to like breathe (or wait or Hermione to whip out the wand and like uses her light tricks). 

I think that's such a powerful metaphor. When I'm feeling activated and chaotic and I am fighting against cues from my body that maybe I just need an app or I need a meal, meeting myself there is the easiest way to the other side or through whatever discomfort I'm feeling.

Tyler: It is. Because when you're fighting it, it's just, you're just creating more work for yourself. 

Erica: Yeah, you're delaying that work and making it harder. But it’s a practice. My 20s have been all about like, eliminating black and white thinking and seeing things on more of a spectrum because I would get so, so hard on myself if I was struggling with being tired and like not having that super productive day. And that was not making me more productive or helping me, it was just perpetuating a really negative cycle of negative self -talk.

Tyler: Yeah, because then you were tired and you were discouraged about being tired.

Erica: Is there a mindset shift that you can kind of like pinpoint for as you were in your 20s that served you in your 30s and in this chapter of working for yourself and leaning into like what lights you up? 

Tyler: Yeah, yeah. At first I was like, I don't know how to answer this, but I actually do know exactly how to answer this. So when I was in my 20s, mid-20s, I was dating a guy that I had met in college. I mean, we'd been together for a long time. And I moved to be with him because he was in law school.

I moved to Alabama around, I want to say 24, [and I thought] that I could be happy doing whatever as long as I'm with this person. It turns out that's not true and I learned that very quickly. At the end of his time in law school, I moved to New York. 

That's not really something you can know about yourself until you try it. I just want to be really clear. There's nothing wrong with people who are happy doing whatever for a day job as long as they get what they want in their home life. I know people I'm really close with people like that. But I was not that person - I was somebody who derived a lot of fulfillment from getting to do something that felt like, you know, “the dream job”, or that felt creatively fulfilling to me. And so realizing I didn’t have to stick with the situation [was big]. Like, I can change my mind about this. I can try my own thing. 

I think everything that's happened in my life since then has been heavily impacted by that decision. I mean, in a literal sense of like, obviously still live in New York, but in the sense of like… yeah, I can be brave and I can do things for myself that seem scary or seem intimidating and it's not a permanent decision. I can change my mind if I don't like it, I can change my mind if it doesn't work out, I can do any of that kind of stuff. But as long as I'm doing what feels right for me, I think that that's like the guiding principle or should be the guiding principle. And I think that that was like a huge, huge lesson in my 20s.

Erica: That is so beautiful. And I think there's so much power in embracing that sentiment: “I'm allowed to change my mind.” I think that's really hard for a lot of people, myself included, because there's so much ego attached in… you know, going back on what you said or like being like, actually, no, this didn't work out. 

I left a big relationship in my 20s too. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but also like, the most important thing I've ever done because it was one of the first real adult decisions I made, and first real examples of myself showing up for myself in my adult life. And you know, the decision didn't make sense to a lot of people at the time, because I hadn't been very open about how I actually was feeling in that relationship (myself included). 

There are so many layers to changing your mind, but I think that is such a critical message, especially for women. And there's so much joy that comes on the other side of like taking action through the fear, whatever that is, like whether it's leaving a job or taking a new job or leaving the boyfriend; like there's so, so much reward when you show up to your fear. And even if it's not instant or immediate, that sense of personal power you get when you're acting for yourself is like a really, really special thing to experience. ❤️ 

Thank you again Tyler, for joining me for such a gorgeous conversation.