Play the Fool

Note: written while listening to Blame Brett ON REPEAT

Hello, friends, and happy June.

Today’s Brightside is a reflection on playing the fool, inspired by Ethan Hawke’s Ted Talk (only 9 minutes!). This triggered a rabbit hole on “the fool’s journey,” a storytelling framework to help understand Tarot decks - and that led to some serious self-reflection on how hearing this advice about 5 years earlier could have resulted in a beautiful friendship with Aziz Ansari. How’s that for clickbait?!

If you leave with nothing else today, I hope this helps you think about how we can replace the seriousness we carry around with a little more lightness and laughter.

If this resonates, shoot me a note! I'd love to hear your story. Regardless - have a great weekend.

The Fool's Journey

One of my all-time favorite actors is Ethan Hawke. He first came into my consciousness after watching the Y2K version of Hamlet in high school. Then a few years ago, I saw him participate in a Q&A related to his movie Blaze, and I started to really admire him as not only an actor, but an artist.

What I admire most about Ethan Hawke is his approach to creativity, which he captures well in a Ted Talk by saying, essentially, play the fool. He posits (and I’m paraphrasing): play the fool and follow what you love - and who you are will be revealed to you. I’ve watched this Ted Talk countless times, especially in moments of creative crisis - and found myself in that corner of YouTube, again, a few weeks ago. It never fails to set me back on track.

Right now, I have that reminder written on a whiteboard that I keep in my bedroom. It’s the mantra I start my day with and it’s what I reflect on when I’m going to sleep. This advice resonates because it’s freeing - playing the fool not only invites curiosity, but laughter and innocence, too. It begs the question “what’s the worst that can happen?” and reminds me to take life a little less seriously.

So simply, we can get wrapped up in the seriousness of adulthood - of our careers, the things we are on paper, the identities we’ve attached to ourselves. But as someone pursuing a more creative lifestyle, that stuffiness only ever gets in the way. I’ve compromised connection more times than I can count for fear of judgment and being labeled a nuisance.

For example: a few Christmases ago I was in LA visiting my brother for the holidays. Before going back to his apartment, we stopped at Psychic Wines, a trendy wine shop on the East Side. It was late afternoon and light was pouring into the quiet store - most of the city already settled into their insular worlds. We walked in as the lone patrons of the store except for two other people: Aziz Ansari and his girlfriend.

I froze. My brother and I exchanged glances of “oh my god, Aziz Ansari!” as I felt my heart rate elevate in my chest. I was starstruck!

You’re probably like, damn Bogs - big reaction for a tiny man.

But hear me out - that year I’d been obsessed with Master of None. Obsessed. Season 2 had just come out and it hit me - I was listening to the soundtrack morning, noon and night! I felt so connected to the characters and the way he captured love in New York. It wasn't just one of those shows that I'd watched - it was one of those shows that I got lost in.

So, when I was presented with this opportunity to interact with Aziz - a creator who had a profound impact on me that year - I couldn’t. I was stuck in my own head - there were countless things I wanted to say to him, but the words caught in my throat. So I retreated and held my breath, words and all - thinking of all the reasons not to approach him.

I lapped the small store, pretending to look at wine bottles I didn’t care about, and trying to ignore the fact that I was 8-feet away from someone who had unknowingly shaped the better part of my year.

He paid for a couple bottles of wine and left. Suddenly, I felt that pang of missed connection in my chest while I made up a story about how Aziz Ansari is actually a dick - keeping myself safe from the real truth - that I was just too insecure to fucking say something to him.

And what’s the worst thing that could have happened? He’d shrug me off? I’d trip over my words? Those seem like silly reasons to miss an opportunity to tell him that his art meant something to me. I could assume he’s constantly getting stopped by people telling him how they loved the soundtrack to his show - but I don’t know that. I mean, forget what I lost out on by not talking to him - I could have made his whole Christmas! (Joke.)

Anyway, it wasn’t until years later that I found Ethan Hawke’s Ted Talk. I wish I’d seen it before that trip and given myself permission to play the fool, because it probably would have served as the conduit to a really special moment. Since then, I’ve tried to embrace this mindset - inviting laughter and innocence to situations that feel outside my comfort zone, instead of defaulting to self judgment and assumptions.

A few months ago I was taking a morning walk in my neighborhood, and I saw the woman who inspired this newsletter getting pastries with her husband. I felt a similar insecurity arise that I did when I saw Aziz - “what would I say to this woman that had inspired me to do something that really changed my life?” I took a moment, gathered myself, and approached the table where she was sitting.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ve been following your newsletter for years and it’s had a big impact on my life - so thank you.” She was so surprised and kind - we chatted for a few minutes then I went on my way. The connection, small as it was, was totally worth getting over myself - I was proud of getting out of my own way and saying something, like I wish I’d done when I saw Aziz.

We spend so much of our time consumed by fear of making fools of ourselves - and I wonder at what cost. I’m sure all of us can think of countless moments where we’ve held back from a potential connection for fear of - what - judgment? Like Ethan Hawke says in his Ted Talk - the time of our life is so short. And I’d rather be a fool than a hermit, never exploring what it means to put myself out there and connect.

I’ve had plenty of interactions go south in the years since adopting the mindset of playing the fool, but that’s part of the game. That's almost a guarantee actually, but it’s better to put yourself out there than to sit idly by, waiting for something to happen. We have a part to play in this journey - and let me tell you, it can be uncomfortable … but it can be fun, too. Maybe someday I’ll have a chance to put this all to practice with Ethan Hawke.

Sending everyone love heading into the weekend.

And a huge shoutout to my friend Olivia for editing this piece with me! If you notice any grammar & syntax upgrades, it's all because of her.

Something that makes playing the fool feel all the more doable is when I feel really confident about my outfit. Right now I’m eyeing these little cuties to add some character (and luck!) to my summer fits.