Gobsmacked At The Dentist

One thing about me is I’m a jaw-clencher. I was reminded of this when I went to the dentist on Monday. 

If I’m not yapping, my little molars are bound together as one, grinding away as my mind filters millions of thoughts coming in at hyper-speed. I’m aware that I grind my teeth (tension headache sufferers unite!), but the behavior is not conscious. It’s a physical manifestation of my inner world - thinking, thinking, thinking - always. 

So when I went to the dentist this week, and she told me my teeth should never be touching - I was like, girl, are you serious?

She waxed on about the long-term effects of jaw tension and the visible wear on my teeth before attempting to sell me Invisalign. Listen, I’m actually obsessed with my dentist; she’s awesome, but I left dumbfounded.

Are there really people out there that exist with the peace of an unclenched jaw? (Are you one of those people??) This whole week I’ve been thinking about her lecture and trying to bring more awareness to this bad habit by scaring myself with pictures of bad veneers. 

Of course, in true Erica Bogdan fashion, I couldn’t just let this be about my teeth. In news that will shock no one, this routine trip to the dentist sparked some serious reflection. I started looking at the behavior more intellectually: why do I grind my teeth? What’s behind that? 

You can probably guess what I’m about to say next.

Control. Obviously. 

Isn’t it interesting how when we have the least control, our instinct is to grasp (or in my case, clench) onto something to give us some sense of power? When I zoom out and think about when I’m clenching my teeth the most, it’s during moments that I feel the most uncertain or insecure.

I’ll be so real with you—I’ve never had “less of a plan” than I do right now. My vision for Brightsiding is shifting, and I’m fielding a lot of well-intended questions from people trying to understand exactly what I’m up to. My desire to give them a clear, punchy sound-byte is at odds with my actual experience, which is quite hard to distill.

One of the things I loved most about working in Corporate America was how easy it was to contextualize my existence. As soon as I mentioned “Google,” I’d get an approving head nod and a “good for you, kid”. 

My old job made it easy for people to digest me in the way that all socially acceptable positions do, yet it felt like the least qualifying thing about me. It completely omitted my identity as a writer, a creative person, and someone deeply curious about human existence. That made my jaw clench—the physical discomfort of feeling misunderstood or only being seen for a part of me. 

Now, I don’t have the social security blanket of an easy-to-explain job, and I’m processing it in the same way: teeth together, jaw tight. Squaring this moment with myself is one thing; I signed up for this wrinkle in time. I knew what I was leaving behind. And although I knew when I left that this wouldn’t make sense to everyone, the hardest part about the past six months has been making peace with that. 

So much of the tension I hold in my body comes from a need to control the uncontrollables; how I’m perceived (none of my business!), what the future holds (I’ll find out!), if I was awkward in front of a crush (probably!). 

As shocking as this news from my dentist was - my teeth should never be touching??? - maybe she’s right. During the moments I’ve caught myself this week with my teeth smashed together, I’ve tried to meet myself where I am and ask myself … what am I trying to control? 

There’s plenty in my life I can control, and many of those things (writing, talking to strangers, choosing what music to play at the store, planning next steps for Brightsiding & beyond) are so full of joy that they require no tension at all. I’m trying to place my focus on these things. I’m trying to be more okay making less sense to people. 

Do I think the day will come when my teeth operate like disciplined exes, honoring an iron-clad no-contact rule? No. Probably not. But I do think that as I loosen the grip on my need for control, my jaw might feel a little bit better. 

So I challenge you to reflect … what are you trying to control in your life? Where can you loosen the tension? What can you be a little more okay with not making sense to others? 

Also, when was the last time you went to the dentist? 😉 

Sending you love, 

Erica

PS: Did you know every “on repeat” song lives in this Brightsiding playlist? Check it out! Also, check out my latest playlist, SHOPGIRL. DELISH!

Two delicious pieces were sent to me by friends this week … this cheeky charm bracelet and this GORGEOUS swirly ring. What do you think?