Getting to The Brightside

Howdy! This Brightside was written while listening to my most recent playlist, Bounce. It's pretty lightweight right now, so if you have any recos send 'em my way!

I'm coming at you today with something that felt timely, especially with the winter settling in:

how to be on The Brightside, even when it feels really far away.

I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy unpacking “the brightside” - what it means, the pressure I put on myself to be there, and how I struggle be in the moments that aren’t so bright. My natural disposition is pretty sunny - and growing up, I got validated when that part of me was on display. The “darker” spots - sadness, disappointment, frustration - were less celebrated, and I learned pretty young that being “bright” was safe. Being low wasn’t, so as a defense mechanism, I learned to shut “bad feelings” out.

Of course, this all caught up with me. In my early 20s I became aware that when I was feeling sad or depressed, it was really hard to know what to do. For so long ignoring them was my default - but that wasn’t sustainable. In fact the “bad feelings” weren’t going anywhere - they were just manifesting elsewhere in sneaky, annoying ways (maybe someday I'll share some excerpts from my early 20's journals to prove it ... ).

Making space for the hard stuff has been a journey, and I'm still learning for sure. But I’m really proud of how far I’ve come. My life feels so much fuller and more beautiful because I can embrace the wide spectrum of emotions and know that my capacity for sorrow or sadness is matched with an equal (if not greater) capacity for joy and love.

That said - things still feel hard - a lot. If anything, I think the deeper I go with this work, the more I realize just how much there is to work with. But I’ve built a really strong toolkit for myself, so I’m sharing here in hopes they inspire ways that you can find ways to get back to The Brightside.

These are not immediate fixes. And these are just a few examples of what works for me. You might read this list and be like, UM, NOPE! That's cool.

Brightsiding is a practice, and sometimes I really neglect the practice. But when I come back to it, oh man, do I feel the difference.

To me, being on The Brightside means embracing where you are and choosing to respond in a way that's aligned with your highest self.

It's *not* about arriving at some abstract destination that presents as happy on Instagram (could write a whole piece on this) -- happiness is an output (hopefully), but it's not the point. It's more about choosing to look for the good, being present to what you're going through, and nourishing yourself.

Some of the things that help me get back to The Brightside:

Make space to look at the thing: sometimes getting through the hard thing is as simple as making space for it to exist. I make space by meditating, but when that feels hard, sometimes I just say to myself “hey - this hard thing is here, and that’s real, and that’s ok. What is it telling me?” - I now greet the thing instead of pushing it away.

Journal: brain dump. It might feel awkward or embarrassing, but this is always helps me to make space and understand where I'm at. And it's crazyyyyy to read old entries and look at what was coming up.

Call someone: If it feels safe, call a friend! Sometimes naming the thing gives it less power - and damn, the wisdom and perspective of my friends never fails to amaze me.

Music: Sometimes journaling or talking to a friend feels like a big lift. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I like to lay down for 5 minutes and listen to a song that hits me in my core - lately, that’s Killing Me Softly With His Song.

Eat a really good meal: A lot of times if I’m spiraling, I’m hungry. Nourish yourself. Give yourself permission to indulge in your comfort food. (My spiral meal? I'm so glad you asked - It's The Erica Bogdan Special, a Green Juice from East Village Organic and a Quarter Pounder from McDonalds down the block. Balance, baby!)

Take a long shower or bath: the healing properties of water … ahh. On that note, did you know that Ashley Tisdale has a line of shower products at Target? It low key slaps...

Move my body: Sometimes this is the last thing I want to do, but the wise words of my favorite yoga teacher Kirra Michel echo in my brain: the things we resist are likely the things we need the most. This can be a full on yoga class, a walk around the block. 5 minutes of jumping jacks. A dance party in my kitchen. But for real, moving that chi freakin works ...

Candles, flowers, etc: ah yes, the age old wisdom of Tom Haverford: treat. Yo. self.

Count my blessings: this has been my go-to lately. It can be hard to list out the “good things” when life feels especially shitty, but start small and be blown away by how quickly you get swept up in this list. The coffee you had this morning, the functioning heat in your apartment, your health, your bed … etc.

Comfort Content: Kaity, Sam and I recently discovered we all have a “low point” YouTube go-to... mine is Adele Live at Royal Albert Hall. Think about TV shows that you've watched a million times, or books that make you feel good, or movies that will maybe help pull the tears out if you need a good cleansing cry.

Rumi: sometimes a little old school mysticism gets you exactly where you need to go.

Chani Guided Meditation - in both my highs and lows I reach for the Chani app's AMAZING library of guided meditations. She has 7-13 minute sessions focused on everything from healing to affirming to grounding … they have made a HUGE change on my mental health this year and are especially handy if I'm feeling overwhelmed in between meetings at work.

Do a good deed: leave an anonymous love note. Buy coffee for the person behind you in line. Doing something to reconnect with the community is a great way to feel less isolated in your own head.

And finally, a good podcast: I am constantly reaching for Almost 30 or The Robcast (here's my favorite episode) for some wisdom, validation, and perspective.

What are some of your strategies for pulling yourself out of the mud? I'd love to hear. Either way, sending you lots of love, a reminder that NO ONE is 100% all the time ... and you are not alone! I'm not a mental health professional by any means, but my inbox is always open if you want to chat. Art below by Adam JK!

Ok I might LITERALLY DIE if I don't get my hands on this Lele Sadoughi Astrology collection Leo headband??? Praying for a Black Friday sale ...