What Everyone Gets Wrong About Brightsiding

Hello beautiful people,

Someone recently remarked to me that they couldn’t understand how I was so positive all the time. And I said, well, there’s nothing to understand because I’m NOT positive all the time. 

It made me realize there’s a lot people get wrong about Brightsiding. Which makes sense, considering it’s 100% a word I made up. In fact, the entire process of my own Brightsiding journey was about shifting my mindset on all the myths I’m tackling today (and more).

Let’s break them down, shall we?

MYTH: Brightsiding means being happy all the time. 

!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT !!!!

TRUTH: Brightsiding means meeting yourself where you are, wherever you are - and remembering, it’s all temporary anyway. The more capacity we have to hold space for difficult moments, the more present we can be to the times that feel aligned, joyful, and good. 

EXAMPLE: A few weeks ago, I was walking across town to the Google office for the last time, SOBBING. That’s right. Embarrassing, full, NYC street-sob. The kind that makes strangers do a double take and think, oh shit, is she okay? 

I was not.

And I was confused because I was so excited about what was to come, and I felt really clear about my decision. But on that final walk, it hit me just how much I would miss, how much I cherished that part of my morning routine, and what a massive leap I was taking. I HATED that I was such a spectacle, but I just had to let it out, cry, and call my mom. Once I accepted it, it felt really cathartic to let the sadness in.

MYTH: You have to white-knuckle through the tough stuff.

NO! PLEASE DON’T!

TRUTH: Sometimes, you have to accept that you only have so much control. After a very real mental breakdown back in February (remember?), my friend Holly asked me “what would it feel like to take a single PINKY off the iron grip you have on this situation?” It completely helped me reframe, and also reminded me that it’s SO important to reach out to someone when you’re struggling. 

EXAMPLE: Here’s a refresher on How to Struggle

MYTH: If you have a hard situation in your life, it’s your fault.

WRONG!

TRUTH: My tender little Enneagram 4 heart is always trying to figure out what I “did wrong” to attract struggle in my life when it comes. As someone who deeply believes in The Law of Attraction, it took me a long time to understand the nuance behind it.

Listen to me: life is hard, period. By design, for everyone. But we’re all worthy, lovable, and capable. We need to be radically present to the challenging moments and remember that we have the power to choose how we respond - and that playing the victim is going to get us nowhere. I listened to a great podcast with Tosha Silver that went more in-depth on this, highly recommend!

EXAMPLE: Well, remember the time I got kicked on the street? 

MYTH: The Brightside is a real destination 

TRUTH: LOL, I WISH! Sorry babes. It’s not. The Brightside is a mindset. Brightsiding is a practice. I believe in goodness, joy, and connection - and it’s about learning to reach for those things even when things feel swirly that helps us cultivate that mindset.

EXAMPLE: Last year I was low-key addicted to this “best day ever” meditation on YouTube. I did it for the first time in Paris and then proceeded to have no joke, the best 48 hours of my life. So I attached this insane expectation to it. I’d do it again and again, expecting doors to open and free things to be handed to me, and basically for every moment to feel like a musical episode of my life … only to be severely disappointed when like, the subway was delayed.

I had to examine this attitude and ask myself what the “best day ever” really meant. Initially, I was going into those meditations with an attitude of RECEIVING only. I also realized I expected that there’d be no roadblocks or inconveniences of any sort. In NYC?? Am I dumb?? I retired that meditation and remembered a lesson from my favorite movie - About Time - and how the “best days ever” happen when you’re present, paying attention, and spreading joy where you can. Which was the key to my amazing time in Paris, anyway. It’s give and take, baby.

MYTH: Pain is to be avoided at all costs. 

(LOUD BUZZER SOUND) Incorrect.

TRUTH: My yoga practice over the years has been massively influential in helping me turn this around. Pain is not something to be avoided, but to learn from, and to be present to.

EXAMPLE: Recently, I was in a place that was pretty charged with memories from a past relationship. It was actually excruciating. Typically I’d reach for an edible or something to numb the feelings, but honestly, I didn’t have anything with me. So I just sat quietly and breathed. I gave myself some time to feel the feelings and release them. It hurt, I didn’t want to deal with the pain, but letting it in was the key to letting it go.

I hope this helps clear some things up. Are there other Brightsiding misconceptions floating around I should be aware of? What comes up for you when you think about easing into the tough stuff to let the good in?

I’d love to know.

I hope you have a beautiful weekend, everyone - it’s fricken MAY!