How to Engage

Hi friends, 

It’s so hard to know how to show up here (as in, The Brightside) with all of the atrocities unfolding around us. I’ve been quiet on social media about the conflict in the Middle East, not for lack of caring, but because I’ve genuinely had no idea what to say. 

I’ve been all over the place the past month (literally and figuratively), and in reflecting on my last newsletter (which went out on October 13th) I was frustrated by my inability to meaningfully pause and acknowledge the news, given the then-fresh outbreak of conflict between Israel and Palestine. 

My intention with Brightsiding as a project is ultimately to reflect on mindset. 

It feels incomplete to talk about mindset while completely ignoring world events, yet it’s a struggle to know how much to talk about world events on a platform that’s so rooted in levity and optimism. More honestly, I find it hard to talk about world events, period, when those events are so hard to engage with. 

So today, I wanted to explore how to engage when you don’t know how. I break my thoughts down into three sections: the ripple effect, overcoming paralysis, and hope. 

1. Ripple Effects

I recently revisited an old episode of one of my favorite podcasts, where Rob Bell explores the concept of “hope” through the lens of participating in a system. We’re all actively participating in the system of this earth just by existing. 

He points out that even inaction is still action in its own right, using the example of the 2016 election to illustrate that even folks who didn’t vote played a part in the outcome. Sitting something out because it’s complex might feel like the “safer” choice, but it’s important to be aware of the ripple effects that even that can cause. 

What’s happening in the middle east seems both unimaginably far away and unbelievably close, especially given the social media coverage. It’s easy to put your phone down and pretend it isn’t happening – but just because something’s not happening right here, to you doesn’t mean it’s not happening, period. 

To go back to the concept of us (humans) participating in a system (humanity) - think about it like this. Think of the earth as a really big house. We have a lot of roommates. The house is really spread out, but it’s all connected. If you hear a fire alarm going off, but the fire is happening in another wing, you’re not just going to roll over and go back to bed, right? 

You might not be able to put the fire out yourself, and you might not have to evacuate your part of the building. But it’s important to understand what caused the fire so you can better understand the response that follows, and how the folks that live in that part of your house – your system – are impacted. 

The most dangerous thing you can do is pretend that the fire isn’t real. 

2. Paralysis  

If you’re like me, though – when I hear a fire alarm, I freeze. I don’t know what to do. 

I think many of us are so paralyzed by fear and insecurity of saying the wrong thing, or not being “educated enough” on a topic, or simply paralyzed by the trauma of what we’re seeing on the news or social media that we don’t even want to engage with it. 

In the short term, avoidance feels like the safest choice. You might be saving yourself some negative emotions (confusion, anguish, discomfort) – but this doesn’t solve for the insecurity you feel, and for me, after a few weeks of just not engaging with the news period - I felt the negative emotions I was trying to avoid just getting louder and louder. 

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be experts in something immediately. No one is expecting you to be an expert on conflict in the middle east. But as citizens participating in a system - in this case the system of humanity - I think paying attention is table stakes. 

We need to let go of the perfectionism around engaging. It’s okay to be quiet as we learn, have conversations offline, and process in our own way. Start small and accept that it’s going to be uncomfortable.

I’m not saying doom-scroll or ignore your boundaries - this is heavy and it’s graphic. Read an article a day if that’s all you can handle. Watch a YouTube video about the history of the region. Have a conversation with a friend about it. Eventually, you’ll find a routine that works for you, and feel so much better for it. 

3. Hope

The third thing that makes engaging feel so complex is that there’s a part of me that feels so utterly unable to effect change, which leads to hopelessness. That hopelessness fuels (and even justifies) my not wanting to engage with the topic at all. 

And no, none of us can end this war. We can donate, we can call our representatives, sure, but even those gestures seem so terribly far from “enough”. 

To bring it back to my first point, though - I don’t think we can underestimate the ripple effects that come with being connected and aware. For me, as I’ve learned more over the past month - my whole perspective has changed. When I’m feeling frustrated about something going on in my extremely safe, healthy world - I’m redirecting to gratitude quicker than ever, and it has completely changed the way I’m showing up … everywhere. 

As Rob Bell says in his podcast (I really recommend listening) – “hope is not something you have, it’s an awareness of how things are”. I’ve had this taped to the back of my door for months – and it’s taking on a whole new meaning now. 

Even if it’s heartbreaking to feel like we can’t directly help civilians in Israel and Palestine right now (and so many other places navigating complex strife) – we can’t underestimate the power of bringing more compassion to our own community. 

—

We’re all so much more connected than we can ever truly comprehend. I don’t have answers for most things, but what I do know is that it’s our responsibility to have reverence for the system we are a part of. 

If you, too, have been feeling lost and unable to know how to engage, I hope this helped you feel less alone and empowered to just start. I love you. 

Take care of yourself – 
Bogs