#brightsiding 101

Howdy y’all. How's it going? I’m doing ok—honestly, missing my therapist (who is on maternity leave till September) but really, really looking forward to a trip to California that I leave for… TOMORROW! I’m going to see my brother in LA, then drive down to San Diego for some much needed girl time with one of my dearest friends, Kim.

Since I last checked in, I’ve been in a whirlwind of Brightside planning, scheming, and dreaming. I’ve been experimenting with new types of content, like my IG live and interview with Emily of Damn That’s Glam (did ya like??). I did a lifestyle shoot with @lucytfactory and updated my website (hey Brightside archive!!!). I am beginning to work with a copywriter and a social media manager for the summer to see what happens if I give this some more dedicated love and attention, which makes me so excited. And really, I’m spending a lot of time dreaming about what my long-term goals are for this project (physical zine of some sort??) -- and trying to find the balance of planning for the future and living in the moment. Just trying to honor the voice that is screaming very loud inside me to just breathe life into this creative project and see where it goes.

And as I’ve been in this place of dreaming and scheming, I’ve been thinking really hard about what it means to be On The Brightside. It's kinda scary to be like, oh shit, this is MY DREAM - and say that out loud (which I've been pushing myself to do more) - but yeah, I think it’s really important to solidify the foundation of what I’m doing from the start so I can build upon something stable and something with integrity - so that's where I'm at.

With all of that in mind, I thought today would be a good moment to level-set what it means to #brightside as a way of life, and to give you a better sense of where I’m heading with this project. I hope you enjoy.

Breaking down brightsiding (verb, way of life)

to have unwavering determination to see the positive, while embracing the fact that life is an unpredictable mix of challenges and beautiful moments.*

*Some thoughts on non-toxic positivity

I keep gravitating towards this concept of non-toxic positivity. Let me be clear and state LOUDLY that being on the brightside does not mean:

• pushing negative things under the rug

• justifying hard times with a trite statement like “everything happens for a reason”

• faking it

• compromising your feelings because it’s “easier”

• not acknowledging truth

I’ll be talking a lot more about this this summer, but as I level set on The Brightside, please know that what you’re signed up for will never include anecdotes that minimize feelings/situations. There’s too much of that swirling around, and I’m here to prove that you can get to The Brightside by dealing with the hard stuff.

Brightside Code of Conduct

In moments where I’m feeling really far away from The Brighside myself (and trust me, there are lots of those moments), I have a tendency to push past my feelings instead of dealing with them. But over the years, and in large part thanks to therapy, I’ve learned that ignoring my feelings only makes things harder or worse in the long run.

So now, when I feel those uncomfortable feelings come up, or I’m feeling anxious and can’t quite put my finger on what’s off, or I just notice that my attitude is shitty, I have some tools in my toolkit that help me.

As I was listing them out this week, they felt like a perfect addition to this week’s newsletter and from here on out are going to serve as a kind of Brightsiding Code of Conduct.

1. Feel your feelings: You heard me! Process! Your! Shit! Sometimes feelings are messy but they are such an important signal. Don’t feed into them more than necessary, but acknowledge when things come up, and give yourself space to honor them.

2. Be kind to yourself: Show yourself self-compassion. Do what you need to do to get back to yourself, always, no matter what. In moments where you aren’t feeling your best, try to imagine what you’d say to your best friend if she were in your situation.

3. Try: Put yourself out there. Get up and dust yourself off when you fall down. Listen to the voice inside of you that says “maybe”.

4. Show up: When you commit to something, give it your all. Sometimes you’ll commit to things that you’ll change your mind about. That’s ok. But listen to your intuition. Know if it’s time to say goodbye to something, but do your damn best while you’re there.

5. Pay attention: Pay attention to your feelings. Pay attention to others. Pay attention to what’s happening in the world, in the industry you work in. Pay attention to what matters to you. Educate yourself.

6. Connect with your body: Always, always, always find a way to connect back to your body. Go for a walk. Workout. Smoke some weed. The best part about this one is that it can be COMPLETELY personalized to you. Coming back to yourself physically is such an important part of self care, and one that you should try to do as regularly as possible.

7. Have faith: Have faith in God, in the universe, in the goodness that’s out there—don’t put a label on it if it makes you feel weird. But trust that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves, and lean on this in moments where the world feels small, scary, or impossible to understand. Pray. Manifest shit. Express gratitude for the abundance you have. It makes a difference.

8. Have compassion: Be decent. Have empathy. Care for others. Help others when you have the means to. Try to understand where they’re coming from. Assume positive intent. And also, set healthy boundaries when you need to.

9. Look for the good: When things feel confusing, dark, scary - look for the good. Don’t ignore things that are bad - remember, non-toxic positivity people - but try to see what good there is to be gained. Even if it’s the smallest droplet, try to find it. Just look.

10. Accept things that are outside of your control: I love this one. Know what you have power over, and surrender to the things that you don’t. Try not to waste your time agonizing over the things you can’t control, and show up for the things that you can. You have so much power and so much to give.

So there we have it, folks! Consider this an updated vision and foundation for The Brightside and what to expect going forward.

Do you have any feedback? Would you like to share a story of your own experiencing #brightsiding? I welcome all of it, and you can share anytime either on my site or by responding directly to this email.

*Huge, huge shoutout to the copywriter I worked with, Rachel who helped me with this definition. It couldn't have been more perfectly captured!!!

• When I visited Fran in Boston earlier this spring, we wandered into Ouimillie and I fully died. I picked up this lil green top which I will be rocking ALL SUMMER.

• Have you guys heard of Madelaine Turner, who the world is calling the next Wes Anderson? I’m not really on TikTok, but I might have to change that.

• How cool are these executive toys? I want all of them …

• I'm reading Material Girl, Mystical World (featured above) I'm freakin' loving it. It's kind of like Woo Woo 101.

• I'm heading to LA this weekend and booked myself a room at the Silver Lake Pool & Inn. I am so beyond pumped for a FULL WEEK OFF OF WORK!!!

These feel so appropriate for today’s B-Side. How cute are these Ban.do feel your feelings cards?!