The Brightside 3.5

Love in the time of Socialism by Yellow House

How's everyone doing out there?

In the last Brightside, I talked about how I’m shifting my focus from output to input—trying to enjoy the process instead of striving for unrealistic milestones.

Because this newsletter is largely about keeping myself accountable, I wanted to share an update on how things are going in the ~slowing down~ department.

Long story short, it’s going OK. Honestly, I’d give myself a C+ on execution but A for effort. This past Sunday I almost had an anxiety attack because I didn’t have anything concrete to “do” or “work on”, which definitely triggered a negative feedback loop as I fixated on how poorly I was doing at enjoying a free day. It didn’t feel great, and even typing this I feel a little stupid, because seriously: how hard is it to just enjoy a chill, rainy Sunday?

Apparently for type-As like myself, hard. So yeah, work in progress. Some days I do great at going with the flow, and others, I get a little stressed. My point in sharing is to emphasize that even though I come here largely to share things I’m learning along the way, doesn’t mean that progress is linear—and I don’t just crank out a Brightside and “level up”, if you know what I mean.

Which brings me to:

Wowwww, how is it March again already? It’s very strange coming up on the “one year” anniversary of the pandemic. This past year felt like a time warp—I can’t tell if I’m surprised that it’s already March or it’s only March. All I know is that it’s hard to wrap my head around how different the world looks than it did 12 months ago.

Literally up to the minute COVID-19 hit New York City last year, I was non-stop. Actually, a year ago this weekend we were flying out to California to watch my brother run the LA marathon, which I can’t believe happened. In case you’re skeptical about where I’m going with this, I promise that no, I am not here with some trite reflection on how many silver linings were a result of the pandemic. But as I was thinking about the past year, there is one huge lesson I’d like to share...

A lot of things rose to the surface last March when I was finally forced to sit still—things that I thought I was “managing” by checking off the boxes of going to therapy, doing yoga semi-regularly, and Instagramming anytime I got a facial (oops, still do that).

I very quickly realized there’s a difference between checking a self care item off your to-do list and living a balanced, healthy(ish) lifestyle in which you’re actually building a routine to promote mental and physical health. Pre-pandemic I’d rush from work to a yoga class, quickly shower and lose all sense of calm as I met up with girlfriends for drinks. Or, I’d smoke weed before therapy, then take some long, meandering NYC walk after that resulted in me shopping my feelings away instead of continuing to sit with whatever had just come up. Not that I necessarily regret anything about my pre-pandemic lifestyle, or would change it, but last March I was forced for the first time to be intentional about building things into my schedule that would truly help me, rather than going through the motions and convincing myself I was "good".

Not being able to distract myself from my feelings with a jam-packed social calendar that therapy happened to fit into prompted me to experiment with routine/rituals/structures that did foster that sense of true self-care. Like, taking time to process/journal after therapy or yoga, or being more thoughtful about my transitions from one activity to the next—or just filling my days with things that would truly fuel me, which was a new concept.

The point is: even though there are certainly days I still struggle to find balance; I have learned that self-care requires much more introspection and intention than I was putting in before. I feel thankful that despite the challenges this year has brought up, I can confidently say that I am so much more in touch with who I am and what I need than I was a year ago—and hey, I’ll take it.

How has your definition of self-care evolved over the last year? I'd love to know. You can respond directly to this email or hit me up at [email protected] if you wanna chat.

I also reflect on this past year fully aware of the privilege I’ve had of job security, not having to manage home-schooling children, keeping my health, and not facing any immediate family members severely impacted by COVID-19. My heart goes out to all of you who were personally impacted on a much more difficult scale—I see you, and I love you.

From top: I've been really into candles all over the apartment recently / I've also been GETTING DRESSED - wow, what a difference that makes / Zach & me taking a little work break / your weekly Louie content. I mean, come on.

Not too many “things of note” this week - to be honest, I’m trying to find a balance of “reflection” content and culture/product recommendations. The more I think about what brings me joy with The Brightside, it’s sharing the juicy gutsy stuff, but I don’t want to disclude this altogether.

• Movie recommendation: The Gentleman. Come for Charlie Hunnam, stay for Michelle Dockery.

• My friend Kelly turned me onto the Be There in Five podcast, which I’ve been loving.

• Speaking of podcasts, I can’t stop thinking about this old episode of Super Soul conversations lately (Oprah interviews Stephen Colbert). I loved what they discussed about happiness vs. joy.

• Do yourself a favor and Google “Steve Jobs + Reality Distortion Fields”

• And lastly, this Iceberg simulation is my favorite thing on the internet.

This Romper I can see myself living in this this summer - but holding out for a good sale.

From our dear Samantha, who this newsletter would not be the same without:

One of my new coworker friends recommended this video after a passing joke about Armie Hammer and his recent... uh... controversy? Its a long video, but you get some more inside scoop about just how f'ed up the Hammer family is and apparently has been for a long ass time. Was wild to watch. She also suggested "Made You Look" on Netflix (which I intend to watch this weekend) which is a documentary about an art scam where and the gallery at the center of the scam is owned by a Hammer. WILD. If anyone has any other Hammer info or conspiracies to share, please LMK.

(For those wondering about #armpitlog, rest assured that will be coming soon. The deodorant we ordered is from The Netherlands so we're still waiting on its arrival.)