The Brightside 2.19

10/10 by Troye Sivan 

The name of the game this week is detaching self worth from output. At the beginning of the year, I began working with a new coach to help me build some momentum with The Brightside. I went in trying to find ways to “max out my productivity,” thinking that if I was able to get this to a place where this many people were subscribing or this brand wanted to collaborate, that I’d be able to say “I made it.” So we set some goals, I made a schedule for myself, and everything was going great.

Cut to three weeks in: I started our session in tears, because I had very quickly hit a wall. I was struggling to keep up with the INSANE schedule I created for myself and in turn being SUPER hard on myself for not being able to keep up with these arbitrary deadlines. I was putting so much pressure on what should be a fun and carefree creative outlet and getting the opposite of the results I wanted . When I sat down to write I’d be stressed, anxious, and riddled with imposter syndrome.

In the middle of my breakdown, I was forced to ask myself: why am I pushing this so hard? Is the desire to scale coming from within me, or a desire to prove something to someone? What about this makes me happy, and why isn’t this making me happy now?

It made me zoom out and look at things from a high level. I have a full-time job. I don’t need to “get this off the ground” as a source of income. Although I aspire (no, dream) to get this to a place where I can partner with brands I love, I don’t need to be there today. In fact, I know I have some work to do before I’m ready for that—finding consistency, routine, honing in on my voice… etc. I’ve talked about this before, but I’m trying to get to a place where I have a solid process for The Brightside that I enjoy.

My coach and I have shifted our conversations from output to input, and lately we’ve been talking a lot about self compassion and reminding myself I AM NOT MY WORK. Detaching self-worth from my performance or output makes sense logically, but it’s hard to let that truly sink in. I feel like a broken record coming here week after week talking about how I’m trying to learn to “enjoy the process” but I think it’s important to share that progress is not linear, the process is ever-evolving, and unlocking joy takes a lot more than just showing up to a coaching session or reading an uplifting article or watching a YouTube video.

So in case you need to hear it: you are not your work, or how much you workout, or how productive you are - you are YOU and that’s enough.

Do you find yourself struggling to separate yourself from your work? Any good tips? I’m trying some Headspace courses and continuing to iterate on my schedule, but I’d love to hear what’s helped you.

Zach and I didn’t “plan” anything for Valentine’s day, but we both ended up getting one another some cute gifts. SOMEHOW he knew I wanted the turndown service kit from the galentine’s day gift guide … and getting it was the nicest surprise. Going to sleep with a silk pillow case is truly the most luxe part of my day.

Something I’ve also been thinking a lot about is branding. I talked a bit about the Brand Camp I did last year (s/o to Alex, love you), which really got my gears turning about this and how it’s so important to be aware of your brand and how it shows up (at work, on IG, in your personal life, etc.).

Let me acknowledge those of you who may hear “personal branding” and cringe - or think it’s not applicable because maybe you aren’t marketing a tangible thing - but I’d argue that it IS important. Especially in a moment where we’re working from home and the places our brands shine through are so pigeon-holed to email, Zoom calls (that you may NOT be thrilled to be on), and IMs. It’s really just about being aware of how you’re showing up and asking yourself: is this the version of myself that I want to be showing up as?

This piece from the February edition of Monocle has some great tips for how to be thinking about your digital presence perfectly encapsulates how to have a good “brand”, or at least a digital code of conduct.

A highlight last week was going to Casa Magazines in the city and stocking up on some Febraury issues witih my cousin Meaghan.

The craziest of stories- Anna Delvey. My team at work does a monthly book club, and this month we’re reading My Friend Anna, which I cannot WAIT to sink my teeth into. You might remember her story from a viral article that circulated a few years ago - she faked an identity as an “heiress” and scammed some New Yorkers out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. She just got released from Rikers last week - insane - so it will be fun to dig into the drama again. Netflix picked up the rights to her story, too, and I can’t wait to see this transformed into a show! (Her IG is a trip)

Reverting to drug store products

 In an effort to save money, I’m cutting back on my skincare / hair product spending (WAAHHHHHH) and trying out some drug store alternatives. Recently I had great success with this Tresemme dry shampoo, and I’ve lovedddd diving into Byrdie recommendations (this site is so much fun to pursue!).

Also, cannot say enough good things about the Allure Beauty Box subscription which is a great way to indulge and discover new skincare products on a budget.

Over the long weekend, I moved our coffee station to the window and I couldn’t love it more.

Ugg slippers 

And by don't let me buy this, I mean I'm probably going to cave and buy this anyway. No one has tried to talk me out of a single "don't let me buy this" since the inception of The Brightside.

• Was thrilled to see Jess’s big announcement this week

• LOVED (!) this interview with Harling Ross. I related on SO many levels.

• Whenever I post our kettle on IG, I get lots of questions. It’s one of our favorite appliances in our apartment!!!

• My friend Lucy launched a new video series called Cocktails and Conversations, where each week she teams up with her friend (& renowned bartender) Michelle to make a themed cocktail highlighting a small business/restaurant in Jersey City. Even if you’re not local, check them out - like this tasty gin number or this grilled mezcal margarita. YUM!!!

Hi there, editor here! Bogs & I have a fun experiment to share with you in the coming issues. Quite the opposite from this weeks ballin on a budget, Bogs and I are going to be testing out a unique natural deodorant that we discovered thru one of our #bachelornation faves, Bekah M. “Hot take from the editor” will henceforth (until the experiment concludes) become our #armpitlog while we test and review this product. Follow along for what will hopefully be a very fresh smelling journey.