Always Be Giving

A few weeks ago, I called my Aunt Isabel out of the blue. Without knowing it, she’d inspired my plans that night; I was going to see a midnight showing of Interview with the Vampire. You see, this past Christmas (the one time a year when I see her) I was talking about Twilight (when am I not) and she told me that THIS was her generation’s vampire movie. 

I hung my head with shame that I’d never seen it before! 

I forgot about the conversation mostly, until a few weeks ago when I was scrolling for something to watch. Her recommendation popped into my head and when I looked up where it was streaming, the universe did me one better and showed that it would be playing at Nighthawk in a few weeks. I jumped at the chance, quickly texted Holly, and we made a plan to go. 

The movie was … insane, and I’m not even here to get into that. 

What I’m here to share is more of a reflection on picking up the phone. 

I would say my family has a … less-than-functional dynamic. My parents went through a pretty explosive divorce when I was 18, and for the subsequent decade, I’ve struggled to connect with my family at large. Like, no holiday has looked the same since I was 18. For a while in my early twenties, I spent my Thanksgivings at my Uncle Kurt & Aunt Isabel’s house in Connecticut, and I was the only one from my “nuclear family” in attendance. My dad was with his new wife, my mom would be with her boyfriend, and my brother was out in LA. 

These Thanksgivings were always really hard for me. I was enduring the extreme growing pains of figuring out who I was, NOT processing the sadness I felt from the divorce, confused and hurt not to be spending the holiday with my parents or brother … and, as much as I tried to enjoy it, the day always held this lingering sadness that I couldn’t shake. 

This led me to associate most interactions with my family with this sense of melancholy. And, ever addicted to chasing The Brightside, I started to retreat from them. I began spending Thanksgivings in New York, I’d rarely go home, and other than Christmas, I wasn’t really seeing or interacting with my extended family. I was working through so much else in my life - and diving into all of this in therapy brought up a lot of pain that made it all even more difficult to engage with IRL. 

I would say that by now, I have close individual relationships with my mom, brother, and dad - whom I love and cherish deeply - and of course, I try to stay as connected to my Grandma as I can through phone calls and Facebook Messenger photos. But my relationships with my extended family are a mixed bag. 

So when I called Isabel, out of the blue, I was surprised when she picked up after the first ring. She was on the train home from her job as a high-risk DNP / OBGYN at Columbia University Hospital, which she does in addition to building her holistic women’s wellness practice on the side. This is to say - she’s a busy woman. 

You know when you call someone and don’t actually expect them to pick up? I was surprised to hear her voice, and told her that my plans that night were inspired by her. I expected that to be the end of it, but we ended up having a beautiful conversation and were on the phone for a good half hour.

We talked about our shared experiences chasing our callings, she told me some exciting updates about her business, and she shared a piece of wisdom that’s stuck with me in the weeks since we talked. 

“Always be giving.” 

It’s simple, but it’s profound. At least it felt profound to me, especially in the context of all I am and all that came before me (hahahahaha). 

When I hear the word “giving”, it’s easy to think of grand gestures, loads of money, or big time commitments. But this phone call reminded me that giving costs us so little. This is my favorite thing about my anonymous community love notes, come to think of it - they’re cheap, fast, and instill such an instant sense of connection with your community that it becomes kind of addicting. 

Isabel talked about giving without expectation and giving (in whatever capacity that means to you) as an offering more than anything else. As I find myself deeply engaging with the teachings of Tosha Silver at this moment in time (god, TOSHA!), the messaging hit a chord. 

I really admire people who walk the walk, and I aspire to be someone who embodies my values the way Isabel does. Her simply picking up the phone was an act of giving - it would have been so easy for her to silence the call and close her eyes on her train ride home. We’ve averaged about 2 hours of interaction a year for the past few years, so, it’s not like we’re particularly close. But she picked up, held space, and listened. 

Giving can be as simple as just bringing more ease into your interactions, being present to what’s in front of you (again, think of About Time!!), or being there when someone reaches out - even if that someone hasn’t been around much lately. 

There’s grace in giving, and even though giving isn’t about getting anything back … the world really does start to open up in beautiful ways when you’re moving from a space of generosity and abundance.

So thank you, Isabel, for picking up the phone. 

I hope wherever this finds you today, you’re inspired to give a little more freely, whatever that might look like for you. 

SO MUCH FREAKING LOVE!!!!
Bogs 

First of all, thank you to my personal shoppers who JUMPED on the New Balance train and hunted down some places for me to find my dream shoes last week. Y’ALL ARE SO REAL FOR THAT!

This week, I can’t stop thinking about … this lamp. My brother has the classic Akari, and well, he’s way cooler than me so if he’s doing it, I’m doing it.